Yeah I've Cried Those Tears Before…

{April 11, 2011}   A much needed update!

I know I have neglected this blog.  I also know that if I wrote out a full paragraph for everything that has recently occurred, this post would be thousands of words long, and would lose the interest of every single person reading this post, and most likely myself as well as I type it out.  I feel a sentence or two for each topic will gladly suffice and fit.  If more is needed, than I will gladly elaborate.

My mom went to the doctor last week.  Her ankle is healing wonderfully.  She goes back on May 11th, and hopefully she can ditch the walking boot for good then!

My sister should be giving birth any day now.  She’s 38 weeks and 5 days, but at 38 weeks 0 days she was measuring 40 weeks even, so any day now.  It’s just a waiting game!

My brother took me for a late lunch/early dinner Friday at Golden Chick, and it was TO DIE FOR wonderful.

I got my first ever sunburn yesterday, which is shocking, because I’m a pale person, and I live in the south.  The sunburn is on my neck, shoulders, and brain surgery scar.  I pretty much want to kill somebody.

Hopefully tomorrow…or shall I say today (Monday) I should find out if I was approved for disability or not.

I also plan on enjoying a vanilla latte today, too!

My dose of neurontin was also doubled last week.

I was also put on a 24 muscle relaxer, however, I can not start it until next week when my body gets adjusted to the neurontin.

I have an appointment with my pain management doctor today at 4.

Before my appointment, I have to go have a tough conversation with a friend today.

At the appointment, I’m going to tell the doctor I want a neuro-stimulator implanted.  If he denies to do the procedure or says he doesn’t perform the procedure, I’m going to find a doctor who does/will do the procedure.

I’m SERIOUSLY at the end of the line.

The neuro-stimulator is the final straw, the final life-line.

I’m quickly slipping away.

Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

King Andy is losing me.  Dani Bug is losing me. Adrian Bear isn’t even born yet, and he is already losing me.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’ve learned so many bad horrible things about a family member in the past few days that have completely blown my mind.  I found out this family member is responsible for the suicide of someone.   It breaks my heart.

I’ve learned a lot of what I’ve been told has been lies.

However, I know the two previous statements are true.

If I don’t get this neuro-stimulator, or some much needed relief sometime soon, VERY SOON…

I don’t know, I SERIOUSLY don’t know what is going to happen…

Depression is a bitch…a huge bitch…

Depression makes you do some seriously screwed up things, and so does pain.

For anyone that is healthy, you try waking up one day and being in constant pain with absolutely no motivation to do anything, including living.  do it for one day…walk a day in my shoes, and then tell me how you feel.

You wouldn’t want to live either.



et cetera