Yeah I've Cried Those Tears Before…











{December 27, 2011}   Christmas Time

Oh, Christmas tree!  Yes, I know the lights are out in the middle-ish, but to be quite honest, we didn’t care this year and didn’t want to re-string the lights on the entire darn tree, so we just let it be due to the down mood in the household this season.  So really, we just let it be and went with it, and of course, the only ornaments Danica ever took of the tree, was in that one spot!  Ooooh two year olds!

While this post is going to be  full of ranting, know that I am fully grateful for the few gifts I did receive, as well as all of my family and my friends.  I may complain about my family, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world!  Especially my mother, she is my lifeline and my strength.  She understands that while I “look” fine, most of the time there are tears behind my smile. She lets me help as much as I can and knows when I can’t…and offers help so I don’t feel like a burden! I am truly blessed!

My niece Danica, who is 2 years and 4 months old, and my 8 and a half month old nephew, Adrian totally rock my world.  I savor EVERY SINGLE hug and kiss from them.  My brother and sister don’t realize that I love the both of them as if they were my own.  I want them to have everything the world has to offer them.  They are my world.  and the reason I fight to live.

July 2011

June 2011

Due to my brothers’ work schedule we had our Christmas a week early.  Danica and Adrian both received a plethora of toys and clothes.  They made out like bandits and were very happy with what they received.

Here are some pictures.

Me, My Sister, My Brother, My Nephew, and My Niece.

I simply ADORE the way Adrian and Danica look at each other!

Kiddos opening presents with the help of their proud parents!

Danica the "Splorer!"

On Christmas Day, we woke up, and Adrian had another stock of presents another the tree because SANTA had come to visit him on Christmas morning!

Adrian, wondering if he is at the zoo, or actually at home!

This will eventually turn into a tricycle! He LOVES this thing! +1 point for Aunt Janet! DING!

Not only is it a walker, but....

He can also RIDE on it, AND....

He can even EAT the dinosaur!

Now, with, or without elaboration, and in no specific order I’d like to tell you the top 10 reasons why Christmas 2011 sucked.  And I’d like to note.  When I say Christmas 2011, I mean Christmas Day, as in December 25, 2011.

1.  I had a killer migraine ALL. DAY.  LONG.  No matter what medications I took, how much caffeine or water I drank, or how much I rested, it wouldn’t ease up.  It was horrid!

2.  It didn’t even even SEEM like Christmas.  Of course we had the tree up, the house decorated and all of the indoor Christmas lights on (the tree, the garland.)  The Christmas music was playing, and the house smelt like Christmas due to the candles my mother had burning, however, it just didn’t feel like Christmas at all.

3.  My brother is now working 3 hours and 40 minutes away from home and was unable to come home for Christmas Day.  Unlike the last two years, he worked about an hour away and was able to make it home for Christmas dinner.  Not seeing my brother for Christmas, and just being able to talk to him for about 5 minutes on the phone broke my heart.  AND he got hit in the face (by himself!) RIGHT under his eye with a wrench, and had to goto the ER and get two stitches.  Thank GOD he didn’t hit his eye!  Merry Christmas to himself!

4.  I didn’t get to see, or talk to my niece, Danica, AT ALL on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.  It breaks my heart that by her third birthday Danica will have two homes.  This custody battle is going to be hell.

5. I realized that I AM, indeed allergic to wool.  Would anyone like a wool sweater?  It is a lovely sweater.  I only had to take 2 Allegra’s and 2 Benadryl’s on Christmas Day!  Wahoo!

6.  My family was on edge ALL.DAY.LONG.  !!!!

7. As a courtesy to Adrian’s father, despite the restraining order, our family allowed him, his other son, and his Grandparents to come over and visit with Adrian on Christmas evening.  There was a little bit of arguing that happened and it was VERY uncomfortable!  Now, this custody battle….HAHAHAHA….THIS custody battle is going to be the real bitch!!

8.  I have a cousin in the hospital, ON Christmas, which is coincidentally, her 15th birthday, for attempting suicide.  Honestly, we aren’t close, we actually barely know each other, but, my heart hurts for her.  I HAVE been there before.  I HAVE attempted suicide.  MORE than once.  I know what she’s going through.  My heart is breaking for her.  I wish I could be there for her right now.

9.  My equilibrium was completely off all day.  I tripped a few times over absolutely nothing, and it was to the point of major annoyance where it brought me to tears.  It is one of those Chiari things I still need to learn to accept.

10.  And finally….we were out of EggNog!  It was horrible I tell you!

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