Yeah I've Cried Those Tears Before…

{December 27, 2011}   Christmas Time

Oh, Christmas tree!  Yes, I know the lights are out in the middle-ish, but to be quite honest, we didn’t care this year and didn’t want to re-string the lights on the entire darn tree, so we just let it be due to the down mood in the household this season.  So really, we just let it be and went with it, and of course, the only ornaments Danica ever took of the tree, was in that one spot!  Ooooh two year olds!

While this post is going to be  full of ranting, know that I am fully grateful for the few gifts I did receive, as well as all of my family and my friends.  I may complain about my family, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world!  Especially my mother, she is my lifeline and my strength.  She understands that while I “look” fine, most of the time there are tears behind my smile. She lets me help as much as I can and knows when I can’t…and offers help so I don’t feel like a burden! I am truly blessed!

My niece Danica, who is 2 years and 4 months old, and my 8 and a half month old nephew, Adrian totally rock my world.  I savor EVERY SINGLE hug and kiss from them.  My brother and sister don’t realize that I love the both of them as if they were my own.  I want them to have everything the world has to offer them.  They are my world.  and the reason I fight to live.

July 2011

June 2011

Due to my brothers’ work schedule we had our Christmas a week early.  Danica and Adrian both received a plethora of toys and clothes.  They made out like bandits and were very happy with what they received.

Here are some pictures.

Me, My Sister, My Brother, My Nephew, and My Niece.

I simply ADORE the way Adrian and Danica look at each other!

Kiddos opening presents with the help of their proud parents!

Danica the "Splorer!"

On Christmas Day, we woke up, and Adrian had another stock of presents another the tree because SANTA had come to visit him on Christmas morning!

Adrian, wondering if he is at the zoo, or actually at home!

This will eventually turn into a tricycle! He LOVES this thing! +1 point for Aunt Janet! DING!

Not only is it a walker, but....

He can also RIDE on it, AND....

He can even EAT the dinosaur!

Now, with, or without elaboration, and in no specific order I’d like to tell you the top 10 reasons why Christmas 2011 sucked.  And I’d like to note.  When I say Christmas 2011, I mean Christmas Day, as in December 25, 2011.

1.  I had a killer migraine ALL. DAY.  LONG.  No matter what medications I took, how much caffeine or water I drank, or how much I rested, it wouldn’t ease up.  It was horrid!

2.  It didn’t even even SEEM like Christmas.  Of course we had the tree up, the house decorated and all of the indoor Christmas lights on (the tree, the garland.)  The Christmas music was playing, and the house smelt like Christmas due to the candles my mother had burning, however, it just didn’t feel like Christmas at all.

3.  My brother is now working 3 hours and 40 minutes away from home and was unable to come home for Christmas Day.  Unlike the last two years, he worked about an hour away and was able to make it home for Christmas dinner.  Not seeing my brother for Christmas, and just being able to talk to him for about 5 minutes on the phone broke my heart.  AND he got hit in the face (by himself!) RIGHT under his eye with a wrench, and had to goto the ER and get two stitches.  Thank GOD he didn’t hit his eye!  Merry Christmas to himself!

4.  I didn’t get to see, or talk to my niece, Danica, AT ALL on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.  It breaks my heart that by her third birthday Danica will have two homes.  This custody battle is going to be hell.

5. I realized that I AM, indeed allergic to wool.  Would anyone like a wool sweater?  It is a lovely sweater.  I only had to take 2 Allegra’s and 2 Benadryl’s on Christmas Day!  Wahoo!

6.  My family was on edge ALL.DAY.LONG.  !!!!

7. As a courtesy to Adrian’s father, despite the restraining order, our family allowed him, his other son, and his Grandparents to come over and visit with Adrian on Christmas evening.  There was a little bit of arguing that happened and it was VERY uncomfortable!  Now, this custody battle….HAHAHAHA….THIS custody battle is going to be the real bitch!!

8.  I have a cousin in the hospital, ON Christmas, which is coincidentally, her 15th birthday, for attempting suicide.  Honestly, we aren’t close, we actually barely know each other, but, my heart hurts for her.  I HAVE been there before.  I HAVE attempted suicide.  MORE than once.  I know what she’s going through.  My heart is breaking for her.  I wish I could be there for her right now.

9.  My equilibrium was completely off all day.  I tripped a few times over absolutely nothing, and it was to the point of major annoyance where it brought me to tears.  It is one of those Chiari things I still need to learn to accept.

10.  And finally….we were out of EggNog!  It was horrible I tell you!


{December 16, 2011}   You Never Know….

Who am I?  I figured I’ve posted 11 posts and you don’t know that much about who I actually am, therefore, I’m going to do the obscure ’50 things about me’ post!  Fair warning, the first few posts, I’m going to group a few ‘things’ facts together, because I think it’s quite stupid to post a random thing just saying my age!   Let’s get this thing rolling!

1. My name is Janet.  I was born August 13, 1985 in Buffalo, New York.

2. I currently reside in Frisco, Texas, however, I have lived in New York twice in my life, Texas three times in my life, and Kansas once in my life.

3. I barely remember living in Kansas.  We only lived there, in 2 separate cities, for a little less than 2 years, from the ages of 13 months old until right before I turned 3.

4. What I remember from Kansas is my brother pushing me down our small staircase, and my brother and I having the chicken pox and staring out the sliding glass door at my sister playing in the snow.  That’s about it!

5.  We moved to Texas a week before I turned three and lived in a Holiday Inn for 3 weeks because the closing on our kept being pushed back.  My mom says it was the worst 3 weeks of her life!  An 8-year-old, 5-year-old, and a 3-year-old, living in a hotel room with two adults.  Yuck!

6. I remember when we finally got into the house, my brother and I were playing with trains in the hallway and one of the movers yelled at me to get out-of-the-way, and my brother, age 5, yelled, “HEY!  YOU BE NICE TO MY JANET!”  Obviously, I’ve had him wrapped around my finger (and still do!) since a very young age.

7. I honestly don’t know all too much about my medical history from when I was a baby.  I’ve asked my parents but they say it’s too difficult to talk about.  I know I wasn’t suppose to live as long as I have lived. I was never supposed to walk, talk, or ride a bike.  Obviously, I’ve done all of the above.

8.  When I was born I was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. and I couldn’t swallow food on my own.  All of my food was given to me via feeding tube.  I’m not sure for exactly HOW long, but I know it was well until we lived in Kansas, so I was at least past the age of one.  My mom had to call a nurse whenever I needed to eat and she’d come give me food via the feeding tube.

9. I started wearing glasses at the age of 8 months old.  I don’t know how old I was when I began to walk, but I know I was later than most.  I didn’t learn to tie a shoe until the 3rd grade.  Also, I learned to ride a bike without training wheels when I was 10 in the summer of 1996.

10. My best friend is a guy.  I’ve known him since we were 3 years old and we met at the park by our house.  I went and visited him in September and we went to a concert together.  He took a picture of us and posted it on a Facebook.  My brother and his sister both commented about how much we look related.  We also went out to two bars that night and EVERYONE thought we were related.  It something we are totally used to after 23 years of friendship and we usually just go with it and say we are siblings.  It’s just more fun that way!

11. At the end of September I bought a brand new 2011 Silver Nissan Versa hatchback that had 102 miles on it.  as of last night, it had 836 miles on it.  Obviously, I don’t get out that much.

12. Off the top of my head, I’ve had 14 surgeries in my life.  Brain, nose, eyes, feet, Achilles, hernia.

13. The first movie I remember seeing in the theater was a double feature…The Lion King and Aladdin I slept through The Lion King.

14.  My brothers’ nickname for me is Pop-Tart.  I’m hard on the outside, but I’m soft on the inside.  Can you tell I don’t like talking about how I feel?  He’s the only one he can really break down my walls.

15.  Speaking of Pop-Tarts, or, food for that matter…I’ve been craving IHOP for well over a month now, and my brother is taking me there for breakfast either Thursday or Friday.  He agreed to it the other day via text message to which I responded “If you’re nice, I’ll even let you pay! 🙂 I’m the best sister ever, I know!” to which he responded “Totally, I’ll have to be extra nice, I guess!”  Reason number 23947239 why I love him!

16. Him and I have almost gotten in SCREAMING fights in the middle of restaurants over who is going to pay.  He always wins.  He NEVER lets me pay.  It pisses me off.

17. I really HATE Mariah Carey, all though, I think my ALL TIME favorite Christmas song is Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You”!

18. I bought the movie ‘Friends With Benefits’ the day it came out. Ever since, I’ve been ADDICTED to the song ‘Closing Time’ by Semisonic!

19. I have to go to the AT&T store today.  the iPod on my iPhone is not playing songs correctly.  I have to touch the song ABOVE the song I want to hear to actually hear it.  Does that make sense?  Probably not, but that’s the only way I know how to describe it!

20. I’m the only left-handed person in my family.  I like setting the table for dinner.  It pisses my sister off drives my sister nuts when I set the table for lefties!

21.  My sister and I only get along about 2 percent of the time.  And no, that is NOT an exaggeration,

22.  I live with my mother, my father, my 31-year-old sister, and my 8 month old nephew, Adrian!

23.  I have Chiari 1 Malformation and Syringomyelia.  Basically my brain was at one point crushing my spinal cord, and I had a massive cerebral spinal fluid build up in my spinal cord.

24.  My first neurosurgeon left 3 staples in my brain.  They were in there for almost 3 years.  I have the staples.

25. Due to my medical condition, me and my family agree that it’s pretty much not an option for me to ever live alone.

26. Due to the fact that I’ve decided that I don’t want to get married or be in any sort of relationship, I’ve come to the realization and accepted that I’m going to live with my parents forever.  I’m totally cool with it.  My mom and I are kind of BFF’s, ya know!  🙂

27.  I AM an insomniac.  One to two nights a week, I don’t sleep at all.  I decided tonight, in a fit of insomnia, that I ‘d like to start collecting something.  Something different.  Not like, hats, or scarfs, or pins.  Something that involves something I LOVE!  I want to start collecting Starbucks mugs with city names on them.  I want to get as many different city mugs as possible!  I think it would be cool!   So if anyone would be willing to buy me a mug and mail it to me, let me know, and I will mail them a check for the cost of the mug, and the shipping cost!

28.  When I go to Starbucks I either get: A) Venti 8 pump Vanilla Latte.  B) Venti 10 pump Iced Vanilla Latte with very very VERY light icec or  C) Trenta iced coffee with 3 shots of espresso.  And, please note, if you pronounce espresso with an “X” sound, I will forever want to cut you, and you really don’t deserve to be drinking it!

29. My niece Danica was born on August 8, 2009 and my nephew Adrian was born on April 12, 2011.  I didn’t get to meet Danica until August 22nd.  The first time I saw her and held her, I said “Oh my god, You’re Such A Doll, My Dear!”  Months later, my favorite band, Hanson released a song called ‘And I Waited’ and “You’re Such A Doll, My Dear” was lyric from the song.  When I met Taylor Hanson on November 1st, 2010, I had him write on the lyrics, and on November 8, 2010, I had them tattooed on my back.  Danica now always has my back!   I met Adrian when he was about  2 hours old.  I have a tattoo planned for him that involves numbers, however, I’m waiting until he is older and figures out his favorite color so I can get it in his favorite color, which I’m about 99.9% sure will be blue, since he’s a boy and all!

30. My niece, Danica, finally just learned how to give actual kisses.  When she was here last night, her and I were playing “Night Night” where we pretend to goto sleep, and then she wakes me up by screaming “SURPRISE!” I dragged the game on for almost an hour, because every time we went “Night Night” I got a REAL kiss from her.  It was the best feeling in the world!

31. I am addicted to Starbucks Coffee, TOMS Shoes, Scarfs, my RayBan glasses and my red RayBan sunglasses, and Vera Bradley.  My favorite Vera Bradley pattern is ‘Buttercup.’  I went in there not to long ago just to look around and I nearly broke down in tears when the lady working told me that Buttercup was being retired!  I also LOVE Folkloric and Loves Me!

32. I can not remember a day in my life when we have been out of M&Ms in my house.  Seriously.  My mom, my sister, and me, we are all addicted.  My sister and I prefer plain, while my mom prefers peanut.

33. As Amazing Greis wrote on her 100 random thing list,  I too, have seen every episode of Survivor.  I will one up her, and go as far as saying I’ve also seen every episode of Big Brother!

34. My name was going to be Jacqueline, however, my brother couldn’t say Jacqueline so my parents changed it to Janet.  I HATE the name Janet and have been considering legally changing my name for years.  I’m just not quite sure what I would change it to.

35.  My favorite color is purple.  It has been all my life.  The Chiari (see number 23) awareness ribbon color is also purple, which is totally awesome for me!  Danica’s favorite color is also purple!  I swear, she is a woman after my own heart!

36.  In the fall of 2007, I decided I wanted to dye my hair Strawberry Blonde, my mom has been dying her and my sisters hair for many many years, so my mom and I picked out the color and dyed it in our basement on a Friday night.  My hair did NOT come out Strawberry Blonde though.  It came out Bozo-The-Clown ORANGE!!!!

37. This random fact is currently being written in my local Apple store as I wait at the ‘Genius Bar’ for a ‘Genius’ to look at my iPhone regarding random fact number 19.  P.S.  The guy just scared the living hell out of me coming to help me.  I just jumped out of my seat!

38. The dude at the Apple store uploaded all my picture from my phone to to my computer the other day!  I think my next post is going to be pictures!  Wahoo!  Cute pictures of kiddos!  Things and places I love….That really makes me wish I didn’t delete a lot of the pictures I did delete…Damn!

39.  This post was originally going to be 100 random things, after about 20, I cut it down to 50.  I didn’t really expect myself to write nearly an entire paragraph for each random fact.  Go me!

40.  For Christmas, (which is either going to be Saturday or Sunday here due to my brothers work schedule (I am most excited for Danica to her toy cash register, and for Adrian to see his new bike thingy, even though he’ll totally just be into the box, or the paper!)

41. I gave my brother his Ducati motorcycle backpack on Thursday.  I haven’t seen him that happy in a VERY long time.  He hugged me so tightly, I fell over.  He then told me how great of a sister I was, and how much he loved me.  I love spoiling the people I love the most in my life.

42. Even though we have an abundance of cookies in the freezer, today when Danica comes over, we’re going to make a batch of (pre-packaged) chocolate chip cookies.  She (we) likes to eat cookie dough and I’m in the mood to bake, so I feel its a win-win situation for a Friday morning!

43. Yes, I do realize I started this blog entry on Monday, December 12, 2011, and I’m finally finishing it on Friday, December 16, 2011!  At least I am finishing it though!  Numbers 1-37 were written on Monday, while 38-50 were Friday Morning!

44. The Dallas Mavericks are doing an open to the public practice tonight that my dad and brother are going to and they want me to go with them.  I totally WANT to go.  I mean, I AM a Mavs fan…I’ve got the shirt…Hello Dirk!  And now that they’ve got Lamar Odom, it’d be pretty cool to go see him, but I don’t think I can handle doing all the walking, so I think I’ll just sit at home with Mom, watch some Christmas movies, and eat some M&M’s for the night!  🙂

45.My chick best friend is Marissa, and her nickname that *everyone* calls her is Marmy.  I don’t know why, but I don’t think I have I once ever referred to her as Marmy.  I either call her Mar or Marissa!

46. Tonight at dinner, we had pork chops, and Danica had a hot dog.  Danica was sitting next to me.  I put a piece of pork chop in my mouth and she started SCREAMING that she just HAD.TO.HAVE. the piece of pork chop I put in my mouth of she was just going to die.  I finally gave in, put the piece of meat in her mouth, she chewed it for about 5 seconds and went “Ewww, Na Nanet!  Yucky!” pulled it out, and put it back in my mouth.  And yes, I totally ate the piece of meat.

47. IHOP New York Style Cheesecake Pancake…DELICIOUS!

48. Apparently, yesterday was National Cupcake Day, and I didn’t find out until late in the day.  I had a cupcake Monday….does that count?  It’s still the same week!  And it was a Carrot Cake Cupcake!  And Oh MY God!  It was soooo good!

49. I never, in my wildest dreams thought I could write a blog post over 2,000 worsts long, but this post, has surpassed that, by over 400 words!  I am completely shocked, and proud of myself!

50.  I wear 4 rings every day.  They only come off when I shower.  A diamond ring I bought myself to pose as an engagement ring.  I don’t plan on getting married.  My Hanson symbol ring.  The ring my Dad and grandmother bought me the day I was born, and my pink sapphire ring.  I feel naked without them!  I also always wear a Chiairi awareness bracelet and a medical alert bracelet!.

There’s a little bit (a lot!) about me!  Now you know!

{December 1, 2011}   Cry

The nephew has pink eye.

He’s been up ALL NIGHT CRYING.

I love him and all, and I totally understand he is sick, but for the sake of the both of us, I wish he would get some sleep!

Some sleep for him would make him feel better, and some sleep for me would hopefully make this headache ease up a bit and make me less cranky in the morning, especially since i have about a million and a half things to do tomorrow.


Being hungry at 2:30 in the morning sucks.

I need sleep.

et cetera